Fresh Prince: Yo Jeff, whassup homes?
Jazzy Jeff: yo whassup Prince?
Fresh Prince: sup man? hey where's my car at?
Jazzy Jeff: where's your car at? why you askin' me?
Fresh Prince: i parked my car here, you're standing here
where's my car?
Jazzy Jeff: i been here for about an hour and a half and i ain't seen it
Fresh Prince: c'mon man stop playin. Jeff, where's my car at?
Jazzy Jeff: man i'm serious. it's not in my pocket. i haven't seen your car
Fresh Prince: Jeff where's my car? i parked it right here
Jazzy Jeff: i don't know

now a joke is a joke
and fun and games are chill
but this isn't funny y'all
this is straight up ill
now there's a limit to humour and this has gone to far
i ain't laughin' no more, now who stole my car?

now i don't know if you ever had a car stolen before
but it's a real crazy feeling when you walk out the door
and you don't need a map or any kind of chart to know your standin' in the place your car used to be parked
now you know you parked your car there
but yet you keep lookin' cuz your mind didn't accept yet that somebody took it
so your scratchin' your head and tryin' to get things clear
there's always some idiot sayin' "are you sure you parked here?"
to call the police would be the move that was smart
but instead you keep lookin' where you know you didn't park
searchin' for reasons like maybe tickets you owed
somethin' to justify that maybe it got towed
but not stolen
forget it
but then you ask yourself "well, where the hell is it?"
if there was a prize you'd win dummy of the year
cause your lookin' somehwere else when you know you parked it here
so through never never land you find yourself strollin'
then when you finally accept that it's stolen
you call the police and they come and say
"that's the 437th car stolen today"
as if that's somethin' he really needed to mention
then they start askin' you real dumb questions like
"well, when's the last time you saw it?"
you idiot! right before they stole it!
now your mad
this cop is talkin' to you
when somebody's in your car headed to Kalamazoo
(?) a fool
whoever you are
would you please get off your butt and find who stole my car?

i remember my first car
i'll never forget it
a candy apple red i rock
window's deep tented
talk about fast
like a rocket to dive
it went from 0 to 60 in like 5.5
imagin red rims
but that wasn't enough
it had a car phone for when i wanted to reach out and touch
an alpine stero that straight up rocked
with 12 inch woofers that you could hear for blocks
the first day i got it i was frontin' real hard
i could hear people sayin' "damn, look at that car"
i was hyped and i wanted my friends to check it out
so i went to the spot where they usually hangin' out
just my luck
nobody standin' outside
and i really didn't feel like parkin' my ride
so i honked my horn and nobody was comin'
i thought "what the heck?" and went inside and left it runnin'
i was inside for 20 seconds, that's all
i found my friends and said "you gotta check this out y'all"
but when we came back out, the car wasn't there
"man you ain't buy nothin'"
"i did, i swear"
my friends went inside
i was mad
they didn't believe me
now i'm standin' outside in the spot my car used to be
it'd hard to figure out what to do all alone
then i got it
call the car phone
(phone ringing)
"Fresh Prince's car"
"yo theif bring my car back now before i bust you!"
"hold up wait a minute pal. seems like you forgot who's got the keys"
i thought man he's right
"well bring it back, please"
"listen thief, don't hang up, ahh"
then luckily Jeff pulled up
i told him what had happened, someone stole my car
i said "c'mon Jeff let's get him, he can't be far"
we rode around for about 20 minutes
and we were just about to say forget it
when i spotted him
i said "Jeff go get him"
we pulled up behind him and man dude jetted
he was driving all wild and fast
like he was gettin' points for the stuff that he crashed
i called him again on the car phone and said
"of course you realize when i catch you, you're dead"
all through Philly was a high speed chase and
dude was playin' around like he thought we was racin'
100 MPH and he lost control
and slammed my car into a telephone poll
i ran to the car and said "man you okay?"
and he said "yeah" so i punched him in the face
the cops came up as if it was my fault
they saw me punch dude and charged me with assault
if his neck was closer i probably would've grabbed it
he told the cops that i said he he could have it
i calmed down and they got things straight
i saw half of my car at 7th street, the other half and 8th
i wanted to just jump in the ocean
my car looked like it was a lego explosion
why does life have to be so hard?
don't laugh, next time it could be your car